Chickens from Space

The only reasonable explanation for the natural history of Earth is that the creatures we know as chickens are in fact descended from the original Space Chickens. Chickens populated "our" planet millions of years ago and everything subsequently came from them. They are a superior, space-faring species. Consider the evidence:

Have you ever seen a chicken eat a human's period?

Is eating a period the behavior of an advanced life form? Of course not. But human's have so many different ways of eating unfertilised chicken eggs: scrambled, fried, poached etc. Meanwhile, they have us running round and preparing food from their home-world which we feed them by the trough full.

Chicken home-world

It stands to reason that one day they will tire of sitting around and ovulating for us and will return to their chicken home world, which for the sake of argument I will call "Chickonia".

There inlies the problem. We have not been very respectful to our superiors while they've been here and might rightly want to enslave us, possibly turning us into "battery humans" and naming the male of our species after their genitals.

It is therefore only sensible and prudent to start to worship chickens as the God-like beings that they are in the hope of mercy at the time of the great return to Chickonia. I propose making them sacred and holding regular parades in their honour, with sacrificial offerings "chicken" piazzas from Babylons on Oxford Road, Manchester, the only food that tastes absolutely nothing like Chicken. This is a far more sensible course of action than the worship of cows, which has gone on in otherwise respectable societies for centuries.